By far and away the biggest posts on HC are the madonna! naked! and tony danza! naked! posts. As we are slowly moving away from posting regularly I felt compelled to share with you the most dire information I have on sexuality and so on; primarily, the mythology of Rasputin’s penis. And although he’s not really naked, I would be interested to see who ends up most popular with naked in the post title: Madonna, Tony Danza or Rasputin.
Apparently, Rasputin had a big dick. I don’t have any naked pictures but I do have a picture is what is believe by some to be his pickled penis (source):
Measuring 28.5cm (about 11 inches) – allowing for shrinkage caused by pickling…
Rasputin’s penis even has it’s own Wikipedia entry where they have documented some of the mythology around his dong. My favorite quote of a quote is:
One woman confessed that the first time she made love to him her orgasm was so violent that she fainted. Perhaps his potency as a lover also had a physical explanation. Rasputin’s assassin and alleged homosexual lover, Felix Yusopov, claimed that his prowess was explained by a large wart strategically situated on his penis, which was of exceptional size.
Strategic wart placement equals sexual prowess! Mountain Dew can be used as birth control! Spread the word kids.
There’s a lot of talk and then there’s this thing in a jar which may or may not be a penis. There are some skeptics out there who contend that the object is in fact a sea cucumber. Mostly because if all the stories and rumors are true then the penis should be dried out…not all fluffed up in a pickling jar as seen here:
I love me some naked photography. Done well. With taste. And maybe on film. Two projects I ran across recently:
-Zach Hyman has been snapping pictures of naked ladies quickly in public spaces all over New York which cumulated with a big fancy art show this summer. But what I really like about it is that he is exclusively using a big ol’ clunky Hasselblad to do so and shooting 10 frames in 30 seconds. His website and the New York Post article.
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-Miru Kim has photographed the lost, dark, dirty and industrial places all over the world. As naked self portraits. Awesome I think. Her website.
Is it like a “thing” that girls don’t know how to give boys handjobs? This has come up twice recently and I’ve never really thought about it or heard that before.
I was thinking about it and I imagine that a mediocre blow job is still pretty good because a guy can’t do it himself but a mediocre hand job is kind of like “meh, I could handle this on my own.”
I know we have mostly girl readership but I’m curious if this is just one of those things.
Part of this blog originally was to share my nerdy science-y stuff with friends (I’m not a scientist though so keep that in mind as I fill you will false information about virology and cellular structure bullshit.) Let’s learn about STDs.
You know how they recently found that circumcision can protect men against acquiring (not sure about transmitting) HIV? It’s been studied and shown to work in Africa (parts of Africa…it’s a fucking continent and we refer to it like it’s all the same…I’m guilty) with vaginal transmission (penis in the cooter). Here in the US our HIV problem is really among men who have sex with men (penis in butt). Different transmission should equal different approaches. But sometimes I wish it were as easy as telling people to cut off a hunk of their penis and everything will be ok.
Susie Bright has herpes. That’s an old post but I just saw it. She has some misinformation in there, but overall that’s a nice little post if you or someone you know has herpes.
The misinformation is the part about wrestling…I’m not sure where she’s getting that? Dr. Drew does this bullshit too where he talks about the smallest plausible events of getting herpes on your finger but for the most parts that is just not what happens. People have sex and get genital herpes. People rarely get herpes on their fingers or from wrestling (wrestlers should worry about staph infection; roller derby players should worry about staph infection!).
Like she says, you probably have it.
Em and Lo wrote about re-gifting sex toys. Nasty. You can recycle sex toys you know. But also, they are not entirely on point about STDs. Gonorrhea and Chlamydia wouldn’t really survive on a sex toy. Trich would. Hep B would (if there were blood) but you’ve probably been vaccinated.
We are big on the mens lately it seems. And maybe all of my fodder is TV. But! I have been watching Hung on HBO, and while not the greatest show, it is not bad. I like objectifying men and stuff and secretly I am hoping they will show us his package, but I don’t think that is going to happen. Jezebel did a good overview today that you should check out if curious about the show but don’t have cable. For now, you should watch this short SFW fake commercial in which Tanya (his PIMP) explains their services as “Happiness Consultants”:
Fellas, do you get uncomfortable sporting a boner while wearing your thong at the beach? I thought so. Luckily this little gem of an idea has been lingering in my blog reader for some time now and I feel that this fine summer Sunday I should share with you.
I present – the thong design that allows you to sport a full hard-on unimpeded (nsfw):
You know we LOVE Weeds. And while I had never seen any of The University of Andy webisodes before, I think I just might start watching them as well. Andy Botwin on how to please a woman:
p.s. we are slow here. and busy in real life. you have seen this coming. how could you not? so we are figuring it out. maybe once a week? maybe facebook only? yeah. we will see.
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p.p.s. go HERE to see some semi nudes of Mary-Louise Parker baking a pie for Esquire magazine…with pie recipe!
I just finished – sort of shamefully – the Twilight series. And also, sort of shamefully I watched the Twilight movie. And then (this is where it gets truly confessional), I kind of read up on the Comic Con panel about New Moon and maybe I even searched a little online about the movies and where they are going and what the new Jacob looks like and stuff like that. I feel dirty.
I’ve channeled this shame into true academic inquiry for you fair Hootchi Cootchi readers. I have been pondering, why exactly do gals (and some guys) love the vampires? This is a question I have pondered on the likes of Facebook with mixed results ranging from snarky (double penetration) to what I think is more true – the fantasy.
2 Hyena clitoris. When engorged, this “pseudopenis,” which doubles as the birth canal, becomes so hard it can crush babies to death during exit.
3 Kangaroo teat. In order to nurse, the just-born joey, a frail and squishy jellybean, must clamber up Mom’s torso and into her pouch for a nipple.
4 Giraffe birth canal. Mama giraffes stand up while giving birth, so baby’s entry into the world is a 5-foot drop. Wheeee! Crack.
6 Shark-fetus teeth. A few shark species have live births (instead of laying eggs). The Jaws juniors grow teeth in the womb. The first sibling or two to mature sometimes eat their siblings in utero. Mmm … siblings.
And my personal favorite:
8 Slug genitalia. Some hermaphroditic species breed by wrapping their sex organs around each other. If one of said members gets stuck, the slug simply chews it off. What. The. Hell?
If you know me, you know I love myself some nude beaches. But sadly, it looks like the state of California has placed a new policy in place that allows for park rangers to make you put on clothes. The policy changes what for 30 years was pretty much a lax public nudity policy. I don’t know if this is some budget gimmickry to give more tickets or if someone somewhere got their panties in a bunch about nudies, but either way it sucks. And I can’t help but think about the right for women to bare breasts debate whether it be topless sunbathing or nursing in public, this policy treads that grey area. It does not apply to federal parks or private land, but still finding places to sun your fanny is going to get harder.
oh hootchi, I am sorry I have neglected you. You really are improtant to me. It is just, life gets busy you know. So in honor of my first free day in a long long time, here are some pillows I would love to have on my couch to lounge around with.
They are oh so pricey, but I am sure worth every penny. You can get yours from Jonathan Adler. Via Tracie at One D at a Time
This is an old post from Jezebel about a project Robbie Cooper did for Wallpaper with folks discussing porn interspersed with footage of that person watching porn and masturbating.
Anna on Jezebel pretty much sums up how I feel about this project:
…his film can be seen as an exercise through which to discuss what exactly “porn” is: I have no doubt that, for many, bearing witness to the facial expressions and reactions of people masturbating while they look straight into the videocamera is far more intimate and less arousing than any of the images these young people are getting off on.
The video is pretty interesting, although long at 18 minutes. This isn’t actual porn, you just see the faces of the people.
This project did make me feel moderately uncomfortable. I can’t really tell why…maybe the academic interspersed with the actual sexual behavior is so new for me that I’m like “wha?”. Or maybe it’s just that these people are staring straight into the camera…but I’m sure I’ve seen porn where this happens and it’s no big deal.
Honestly, I think I feel kind of embarrassed FOR the people in the video, which is not what I want to feel or intellectually like to feel (because who am I to judge their choices) but it’s just the reality. I couldn’t do this, hence I put that self-consciousness on them.
Interestingly enough, there’s another project that is similar with kids playing video games that I confused for this project and I was initially like…jesus christ, this isn’t legal, they can’t film kids masturbating! But then I realized they were playing video games. I am awesome like that.
Hootchi Cootchi is taking a 4th of July break and hitting up the woods for a weekend of camping and rivering and drinking! And we will be sure to put on plenty of sunblock:
All proceeds of the Will Ferrell sunblock benefit Cancer for College, a non profit for college students who are current or former cancer patients. Get yours HERE!
So by now you have heard about how Craigslist is no longer offering it’s “erotic services” section. Something we could have (should have) covered here, but eh. So where have all the working girls gone?
That I am not certain, but one thing I do find strange is that in the past few months I have a few new Twitter “followers” (I signed up early LAST year and have hardly touched it since), who are clearly ladies looking to make some sexy time bucks. Now I get that people add people all the time and want a million followers, but just like in Facebook land I don’t add people willy nilly and only accept people I actually like. Anyway, the point is, I don’t use Twitter and I don’t add or accept people, but I have had an influx of working girls.
This led me to do some research (googling) and was suprised that there was not more out there on it and actually more than anything, “Twitter Escorts” will actually get you to Twitter Escorts. So maybe it is not a “thing” or maybe people are just keeping it on the down low so it does not go the way of Craigslist. And I am the last person in the world to give any two cents about the sex industry, but I found a few articles to share:
-A fellow named Trent Lapinskiblogs what he calls “Twittering A Prostitution Revolution”. But the interesting thing is that he name checks and links to some of these girls, who actually respond in the comments.
Most likely you have heard by now that there was a case of HIV in the porn industry these past few weeks. This is an issue I’ve been interested in since the last outbreak in the porn industry in 2003 so I’ve been following the responses of the “blogosphere” (or whatever the fuck) very closely. I present to you, a meta-analysis of what I’ve seen to describe the situation and then offer up my totally biased opinion.
(sorry about the slow posting, i’m trying to round-up a big post about HIV in the porn industry but I’m busy with “work” and “getting paid” and “watching tv” and “figuring out my life” or whatever the fuck.)
I have developed a vampire thing. I think it stems from Buffy and does not involve Twilight, but oh True Blood I do love. Sundays season premiere had plenty of hot bloody vampire sex and Nerves Scanner was smart eneough to snag some dirty screen shots! Go HERE for some NSFW captures.
Remember how I told you about Sasha Grey the porn star making non porn movies with Steven Soderbergh in The Girlfriend Experience? Well some wacky internet kids made a spoof trailer called The Boyfriend Experience. Funny! Sfw!
Things haven’t been so good in Secondlastwishy-ville. Or they have been too good? I went on a much needed vacation and then was sucked into the deepest bowels of work. There’s a fairly good chance I will be laid off…which I think is more of a good thing if I’m honest with myself. Mostly I’m in a state of flux that I don’t like, which is also not conducive to blog posting.
I need to start some different type things. I’m going to still post here and there but I’m going to have to ignite my inner hustler. We’re selling off our stuff here, but I’m trying to find new income streams (panty selling?).
In order to honor this week of getting fucked. Up the ass. I give you women with things fucking their asses. But in a pretty way.
Oh Isabella Rosellini I love your subsersive Sundance Channel porn. And now you are taking it mainstream. The Sundance Channel is having a contest called “Name that Shlong” that is in colaboration with a handful of other sex blogs. I am so lazy, I am just NOW bringing you this bit of news and the contest ends today! You can win a bunch of Sundance schwag and all you have to do is head over to one of the blogs below to name the shlong in the comments! Sundance has provided you with a GRAND GALLERY OF PENISES so happy penis hunting! (and really, the giant paper animal penises are really artfully done)
If you know me, you know I love myself some nude beaches. But sadly, it looks like the state of California has placed a new policy in place that allows for park rangers to make you put on clothes. The policy changes what for 30 years was pretty much a lax public nudity policy. I don’t know if this is some budget gimmickry to give more tickets or if someone somewhere got their panties in a bunch about nudies, but either way it sucks. And I can’t help but think about the right for women to bare breasts debate whether it be topless sunbathing or nursing in public, this policy treads that grey area. It does not apply to federal parks or private land, but still finding places to sun your fanny is going to get harder.
